November 12, 2011


 Another loss to Obama in 2012 would make the Zombie Apocalypse look like a Tea Party picnic.

Zombies on the Left hand, Zombies on the Right! What’s a good Conservative to do?  There are zombies, stinking, and insatiable, creeping in on the Tea Party and the conservative heart of the GOP. These zombies are angry, always looking for more political flesh on which to feed. They are the brain-dead and disgruntled, never satisfied with even the best citizen statesmen, ceaselessly groaning, wailing and carping about the imperfections of good conservatives working to change a dysfunctional system. They seem to relish destruction within their own ranks, beating their chests and threatening to run third-party candidates. These zombies are reminiscent of creatures from the Bush/Perot/Clinton nightmare. They are closing in on 2012, amassing in groups across the country. They say they want more brains, but they have the potential to eat out the hearts of Republican candidates. One of the most daunting tasks facing the GOP this next year will be, not to defeat the Democrats, but to overcome its own self-defeating zombie hordes.

On the Far Right we have the die-hard, libertarianesque Ron Paul zombies. They often defend their positions well, citing Articles of the Constitution, and touting the unyielding principles of Ron Paul. They lose credibility, however, when they overlook Paul’s untenable stance on National Defense policy, and his assertions that 9/11 was the result of a homegrown government conspiracy. Although they characterize Ron Paul as a patriotic and principled Constitutional Conservative, as a group they end up defiling the principles they so loudly extol. Some Paul zombies believe that to lose the 2012 elections on principle would, in the long run, be favorable to politics-as-usual in the GOP. There have been insinuations from the undead on the Far Right that an economic collapse that would result if Republicans fail to gain significant ground in 2012 would just be the inevitable ocurring sooner rather than later. This position is unpatriotic and uncompassionate. Only zombies would be capable of such mindless hostility. While the far, immovable Right zombies tout “principles,” they forget that the political and social setbacks that will result from their stubborn support of Ron Paul, when it is impossible for him to become the GOP nominee, will be the death of the Founding principles of limited government and liberty. Above all, they forget that there is no principle in defeat. But then, they’re zombies. They have no souls.

The zombies from the Left are the undead in suits. They are the establishment machine undead Republicans who look at politics as a game, and the American economy and social structure as their grisly playground. These zombies want to dominate, but they are so loathesome that they can never control or persuade the conservative core of the GOP. Winning is everything to them, but they refuse to appeal to the people who could actually hand them victory. They don’t cling stubbornly to principle or a particular candidate. Their allegiance is to a strategy that gives them a little power here, and a little power there, but in which they never enjoy ideological victory. They’re zombies, they have no ideals. They will run their “moderate” zombie candidate, even though they know he probably won’t win. They lack the insatiable appetites of the zombies from the Right. Zombies of the GOP Left have a greater craving for cocktail parties and popularity, than they do for hearts and brains.

So, what does a good Conservative do? We could circle the wagons, batten down the hatches, lock and load, and dam the torpedoes. But, since I am a teacher, I have a better idea. Let’s school our zombie friends in the lessons on winning political races while sticking to the Founding Principles. For the zombies on the Right, give them a little lesson in putting aside the desire for perfect constitutional fealty, for the reality of winning against intractable socialist decline and economic death. Remind them that, although we want to trim government back to its original constitutional limits, we cannot govern as if it was 1787.  For the GOP zombies on the Left, teach them that we can no longer sacrifice principle for the overwrought “moderate center.” Remind them that when the Republican Party runs authentic conservatives on real conservative principles, they always win. We don’t really want to kill the zombies of the GOP, we just want to give them back their souls. We need every living conservative to win in 2012. Another loss to Obama would make the Zombie Apocalypse look like a Tea Party picnic.

By Marjorie Haun  11/11/2011

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  1. Scott Yagemann

    How true, RG, how true! We need to educate and get much better at messaging! Keep it up, Marjorie. You are not only a Reagan Girl but a Paula Revere! We can do this in 2012. We have to!

  2. […] Zombies of the GOP […]

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