WAR ON WOMEN MAD LIB-ERALS
Let’s Turn Colorado RED in 2012!
Show everyone that you want
Colorado to be a RED state in 2012!
Hey kiddies! Are you ready for a brand new game of Mad-Liberals? Okie dokie then…relax, don’t be afraid. All you have to do is to take a sentence and pick one silly word to put in the blank to make a well lubricated joke. Awww, you look perplexed. Well, too bad you’re so stupid, but this time I’ll be nice and give you an example:
This week a ______ (transgender, bow-legged, confused) woman from ______ (Busti NY, Hooker Hole LA, Vancouver Canada) won the right to ______ (pat-a-cake, compete, tie her shoes) in the Miss Universe contest. Jenna Talakova, formerly known as ______ (Hulk Hogan, Johnny Quest, Zippy the pinhead) was initially disqualified from sharing her ______ (recipes, junk, talents) in the beauty ______ (parlor, pork roast, pageant). But when the Miss Universe judges read her ______ (implants, tarot cards, resume) and saw her remarkable ______ (beauty, tweets, medical history), they agreed to allow her to ______ (bench press, contend, shake that groove thang) in the pageant. Other Miss Universe ______ (child bearers, lactators, menstruators) were not so pleased with the decision to allow ______ (Ozzie Osborn, Jenna Talakova, Alfred E. Newman) to compete, complaining that she has a distinct ______ (mood-swing, headache, muscle-tone) advantage.
Are you feeling victimized yet? Well you should, because that was the first salvo in the WAR ON WOMEN Mad Liberals! Girdle up that big butt, tape up those flapbags, put on your tear proof mascara and let’s play!
Sandra ______ (flake, puke, Fluke) was the ______ (aging, dowdy, slatternly) co-ed recently paraded in front of ______ (the Pope, Congress, the 101st Airborne Division) to whine about a lack of free ______ (condoms, abortion, nutter butters). The ______ (hapless, Margaret Sanger look-alike, infectious) law student was ______ (smacked down, dissed, impregnated) by Rush Limbaugh who called her a ______ (sesquipedlian, slut, latifah) because of her apparent appetite for ______ (oral arguments, Mott the Hopple, yodeling). Although Limbaugh ______ (did the fist pump, apologized, curtsied) to Ms. Fluke, he has been called the ______ (general, gynecologist, cow puncher) in the War on Women. Limbaugh’s ______ (groin strain, gorilla glue, attack) on Fluke appears to have been effective, however, because her ______ (face, vuvuzela, fanny pack) has virtually disappeared from ______ (bathroom stalls, the Mainstream Media, Craig’s List).
Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the ______ (whirling dervish, chairman, hump monkey) of the DNC surfaced again this week to ______ (rage, expectorate, rail) against the _____ (hip hop, bee bop, GOP) Party for their relentless ______ (attacks, dermatitis, chili cheese dogs) on women. Such attacks are things ranging from ______ (Brazilian waxes, disrespect, bedbugs) to (genital warts, disrespect, chlamydia). Liberal gals seem to get the worst of the ______ (hate, oatmeal scotchies, curling irons). Elena Kagan has suffered the mocking of _______ (Jack Nicholson, Hugo Chavez, Tim Curry), who dressed up in a black ______ (hearse, sleeping bag, robe) and pretended to be her. Nancy Pelosi has suffered at the ______ (collywobbles, hands, Waffle Houses) of haters who make fun of her inability to ______ (go to the bathroom, think, smile) without rupturing her face. Finally, the ______ (elephantine, hirsute, asymmetrical) Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the DNC ______ (dumb waiter, snake milker, chairman) has been the ______ (victim, ball cleaner, goatherd) of vicious attacks from people who poke fun at her _______ (frumpish, he-man, bowel cleansing) looks. The War on Women has been particularly hard on Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Perhaps she should take a vacation from ______ (politics, Betty Crocker bake-offs, gravy wrestling) and call ______ (Jenna Talakova, genital akova, Richard Simmons) for a little advice on how to look like a real ______ (nematode, girl, panty liner).
So there you have it, another ______ (offensive, bloody, scurrilous) round of Mad Lib-erals. If it makes you feel _____ (your oats, better, gassy) go to the women in your life and make ______ (cookies, phlegm, peace) and give them all a ______ (cease fire, nutter butter, panty liner) in the War on Women. Please ______ (lacerate, join, strangle) me next time for another ______ (stupefying, nauseating, enjoyable) round of Mad Lib-erals!
By Marjorie Haun 4/11/12
Tags: big butt, Debbie Wasserman Schultz single, Hillary Rosen war on mothers, Limbaugh slut controversy, Mad Lib-erals, mental illness fat, saddle bags, Sandra Fluke slut, ugly women, waterproof mascara