THE TYRANNY OF THE NIPPLE
Mayor Blooming Idiot of New York City, it seems, has latched on to yet another nutritional mandate, “Use the breast, or else!” Blooming Idiot, who appears to be confused about exactly what a mayor is supposed to do, has ordered New York City hospitals to keep baby formula out of sight or locked in a secure place so that new mothers will not be tempted to impose its evils on their newborns. In this new program, which encourages mothers to breastfeed but accommodates those who prefer the bottle–if they have a team of attorneys, and an army of Viking raiders backing them up–will regard baby formula as a controlled substance, much like Fentanyl, Prozac, and Morphine. In fact, baby formula must be “medically indicated” before the participating hospitals are allowed to provide it to the mothers of newborns.
Baby Formula is the new Bath Salts.
One would assume that such a restrictive policy would be based on evidence that baby formula turns infants into face-eating cannibals, or causes them to grow up and watch CNN, but that’s not the case. Blooming Idiot’s policy comes from pressure groups that believe any nutritional practice other than exclusive breastfeeding until age 17 is child abuse. The Latch On NYC initiative, and a similar program in Massachusetts, appear to be driven by petitions and pressure from Leftist blogs like BoobieTime and Breastfeeding Lifestyle, as well as U.N.-connected organizations like the World Alliance for Breast Feeding Action. As one probes a little more deeply into Blooming Idiot’s breast milk fetish, it becomes clear that when the nipple gets into the hands of Liberals, all freedom of choice goes out the window.
The feministas of the world have found a new cause through which they can fulfill their need to limit and control the personal choices of other people. Just like “pro-choice” in feminista-speak really means “abortion on demand is the only choice,” now “breastfeeding” means “you have no choice in what you do with your nipples.” Hence, the tyranny of the nipple.
Breastfeeding is a good idea made into a bludgeon by Lefties like Blooming Idiot and the feminista lactation faction. A healthy mommy who chooses to breastfeed is to be applauded. But a mommy who chooses modern, scientifically advanced, highly nutritional, perfectly okay baby formula, should be applauded as well. After all, neither mommy killed her baby. Hats off, I say! The argument here is not breastmilk vs. baby formula, it is freedom of choice vs. the tyranny of petty bureaucrats in our institutions, specifically our hospitals. This is a case of the “nanny-state” becoming the “wet-nurse state.”
Breastmilk is just the latest in a string of nutritional choices that Mayor Blooming Idiot has molested. Trans-fats, salt, sugar, super-sized sody pops, ramen noodles, gherkins, are all within the groping hands of the New York burgermeister, and if you live in his fair town, your freedom footprint is shrinking every day. Blooming Idiot is a Progressive with a big R (for radical) next to his name. It is the nature of Progressives to believe that there is only one proper way to do things–their way! They are arbiters of everything, whether it’s what we put in our mouths, the cars we drive, the things we say, or the way we vote. Progressives are naturally superior and so they know what’s best. The peasants on the ground can never make a good decision for themselves, let alone those newborn babies. The irony is breathtaking when you consider that those newborns, over whom they fret regarding their mother’s proper feeding techniques, are open game for slaughter up until the moment of birth.
I still advocate breastfeeding as the most convenient, least-expensive choice for feeding those post-fetal bawlers. It’s a beautiful choice for women who are able to plug those little suckers with their willing nipples. But this is America, and it should always be the choice of the parents. Choice, remember that word, feministas? Did I repeat the word “choice?” CHOICE! Blooming Idiot has made it awkward for this Rightist, Mormon, traditional, former-breast feeder to preach the nipple gospel. But it’s still a wonderful choice, despite of the fact that Leftists manage to suck the fun out of everything.
by Marjorie Haun 7/31/12