The Titanium Codpiece
“You don’t have to be a slut, and you don’t have to cut off his gonads either!” This was the seismic conclusion I came to during a recent conversation I had with a beautiful and talented young lady whom I mentor. She was relating a sensitive and evolving dilemma regarding the father of a kindergartner at the school where she teaches. He is significantly older than her, but very attractive. He has taken notice of her and sent several flirtatious compliments her way. This is nothing scandalous. She has a uniqueness and maturity about her that would catch the eye of an older guy. And the father, who is divorced, has acknowledged the awkward age gap. Her concern was with how to react to him when he would inevitably be picking up his daughter and they would cross paths. The young teacher doesn’t want to alienate him or cause hard feelings to emerge, but she also wants to make it clear that she is not available to date him. So, I offered my advice; “you don’t have to be a slut, and you don’t have to cut off his gonads either.” If women in general would follow my Orphic wisdom, the world would be a much better place.
Young American women have had to swim through the flotsam and jetsam left by the “Woman’s Movement” of earlier decades. Residual hatred and the impulsive marginalization of men has hung in the atmosphere of popular culture like a poisonous perfume. It acts like a provocative pheromone, and at the same time makes women want to either discard their sexual partners, or eat their heads, praying mantis style. The rubbish of mainstream media, T.V., magazines, websites, and movies that portray women as either conquering shrews, conniving minxes, pathetic victims, or well-waxed men with assault rifles, is a recipe for confusion. The pea-soup fog of cultural expectations for women is a terrible and unacceptable environment for girls to form their authentic identities. The feminine identity should encompass the full spectrum of women’s virtuous potentialities as sweethearts, wives, mothers, professionals, creators, teachers, artisans, and something worthy of the chivalrous pedestal.
That being said, women still wield the big swords, or scalpels if you will, when it comes to male/female interactions. I have a suggestion for women, that if applied, will serve to perpetuate healthier relationships between men and women. It’s kind of old-fashioned, like me, but here it is. Stash the weapons, and put up a wrought-iron gate.
Yes, young women are confused about what is expected of them regarding their sexual roles and conduct. Well, ladies, men are even more confused. It’s a cultural truism that women are the gatekeepers when it comes to sex. Many men have very high moral standards, but as a group, men are more prone to walk through the open gate of seduction than are women. It is as much biology and tradition as it is wisdom for women to hold sexual veto power. The problem is not that men will be men. The problem is that women allow men to be bad men.
It’s easy to understand why men are sinking in an ocean of mixed messages. Women purport to be sexually liberated, but when men react naturally to a woman’s sexual “availability” with interest equal to the woman’s “open for business” marquee, she freaks, howls “sexual harassment,” and proceeds to separate his testicles from his body with a scathing tirade. She portrays herself as a victim of the “cad” in what is a fiendish sexual “bait and switch.” Her advertised goods, though apparently cheap and appealing, are not really available to the consumer, and the consumer is kicked out of the transaction for responding to the advertisement. Sure, there are cads out there. But most men only appear to be cads because women send out an invitation, confirm the date, and then cancel the party the minute the man shows up. Then she wants him to take responsibility for having planned the party. Who is the cad? Who is in the wrong here?
Message to women: Put up the wrought-iron gate of chastity, or shut up about being treated as less than a lady. Men are cads because you encourage their caddishness when you act like sluts.
About Newt Gingrich, John Edwards, Anthony Weiner, Ashton Kutcher, and the millions of man whores out there. They’re man whores because the females in their lives are woman whores. Callista Gingrich has a tiger by the tail. Newt cheated on his first wife with a woman whore, whom he later married. His second wife was cuckolded by a subsequent woman whore to whom the GOP Presidential candidate is now married. Is there a pattern? Calling Callista; if your man whore hubby is elected and caught in the broom closet off the Oval Office with another woman whore, who you gonna call, “WhoreBusters?”
Disclaimer: I fully acknowledge the reality and necessity of true personal reformation. If Newt is repentant and his marriage with Callista is enduring, good for them. This is not a condemnation of individuals, but rather an example of important people who have perpetuated the behaviors that cause women to instinctively arm themselves with scalpels.
About abortion: The Old Feminist gorgons to whom abortion is the highest liturgy, have formed a church around a woman’s “right” to fornicate, get pregnant, discard the father, and kill the baby. Since women carry the babies and it is their bodies that are violated by the tools of the abortionist, the burden and consequences are not as deeply experienced by the abandoned sperm donors. Fornication and subsequent inconvenient pregnancy, and the abortion, adoption, or marry the man you don’t really like all that much in the first place, decisions are the woman’s domain. Illicit sex is easy for men. Easy come, easy go. So why do women expect men to act noble when they themselves make the sacred communion of coitus, the life of a offspring, and their feminine virtue, so cheap, accessible, and expendable?
My testicle preservation theory is, in a nutshell, this: Women can steer a conversation or a relationship into or away from sexual duplicity. Men are naturally charmed and awed by virtuous women. A gate closed to pre-marital, extra-marital, or otherwise stupid sexual encounters, is attractive to good men. Any man who doesn’t value a chaste woman, is a man not worth having. Marriage is a great protection to the economic, mental, spiritual, and physical well-being of men and women. Women need never emasculate a man, (unless he is a true stranger rapist, and those are rare in real numbers) if she doesn’t come on to him. Boundaries set by women, are usually honored by men.
My young mentee agreed during our conversation, that the compliments and interested glances from an older man at school only become problematic if she is uncertain about her boundaries and intentions. Women benefit from being clear about the difference between an admiring glance and a leering come-on. Good men need to be encouraged to be good. Good women wield a lot of power in the determination of how sexual dynamics are played out. Let’s let men be men without having to protect themselves with a titanium codpiece. Good women make good men. Thoughtful manners and firm boundaries can go a very long way in both professional and personal settings. So ladies; you don’t have to be sluts, and you don’t have to cut off men’s gonads either.
By Marjorie Haun 3/20/2013