Alien: Parasite, #Occupy the Planet
Predator: Hunting Enthusiast, Pro-2nd Amendment
August 18, 2014
This Alien brute has a tendency to Occupy Outer Space, and will wreak unbelievable havoc and destruction where ever it goes.
Good luck taking a break from the pre-election grappling that has us all brain-numbed and burned-out. The holidays only bring a greater sense of urgency to the battle between dark and light, evil and good, Liberal and Conservative. And the time has come for Americans to make up their squishy minds and back the best candidate in this perpetual bid for the supremacy of the Earth. Who will it be; Alien or Predator?
The vetting process of a lethal organism from an inscrutable hell hole in a far galaxy is imperfect at best, but let’s give it a try!
- The Alien race is matriarchal with a queen as its head who, in the total absence of a biological father, breeds offspring in huge, dank incubation sites, which are the Alien version of overcrowded daycare centers. Once the Aliens colonizes a planet they are very difficult to exterminate. These deadly brutes have a tendency to Occupy Outer Space, and will wreak unbelievable havoc and destruction where ever they go.
- The life cycle of the Alien organism involves a period during which it requires a host to incubate its parasitic offspring. The Alien overtakes, and forcibly lays its egg in the stomach of the host. The offspring feeds off the very life of the host, sucking up everything for itself. At the end of the process, the Alien offspring bursts out of the still-living host. After using the resources of the host, absorbing everything for its own sustenance, the Alien then kills the very thing that has given of itself to support the parasite.
- The Alien is an unpleasant, ill-formed creature, largely unchanged for eons. It eschews technology and relies on primitive and animistic approaches in battling its enemies. It lives in filthy, sprawling colonies, and Alien is small-brained and reactive, skulking about in the shadows and waiting for its unsuspecting prey to walk by.
- Alien has a seemingly endless mouth, with row after row of razor-sharp teeth, and flesh piercing retractable jaws which are fearsome and hideous. A human example of this feature would be Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who is purportedly from another far off galaxy as well.
Looking at the features of Alien, it becomes clear that it is the Liberal candidate for Supreme Life Form of the Universe.
- Predator is a hunter, an organism that uses technology to give itself the edge over its prey. It is skilled in feats of survival and does not depend on others.
- Predator is an expert with weapons, probably a member of the NRA, and enjoys a masterful command of the art of war.
- Predator plans ahead, can predict the actions of its prey and/or its enemies, and understands which approaches work and which fail.
- Predator is self-reliant. It is not parasitic, and when hunting and killing, it is systematic and swift. Predator does not occupy planets which belong to other races, and it leaves quickly after cleaning up its mess.
- Predator is physically fit, has gnarly dreadlocks and a badarse bod.
When establishing the strengths and “wow factor” of Predator, it is clear that he is the Conservative candidate for Supreme Life Form of the Universe.
By Marjorie Haun 8/18/14