Santa Claus’ Evil Twin: Santa Pork



December 18, 2013

Don’t misunderestimate Santa Pork’s obsession with gay male sex. The National Institutes of Health once spent $1.4 million to study the behavior of male prostitutes in Vietnam.

santa pig images Hey kiddies, the anticipation leading up to Christmas morning is one of the most thrilling things you can imagine, hu? There are few celebrations that bring greater joy than sitting around with your defective relatives and tearing into bags of antelope jerky, endless gift boxes with pepper jelly and summer sausage, and flashing light underpants. Santa Claus seems to be the best guy ever! He’s just so generous and thoughtful. But, guess what, Santa Claus’ evil twin, Santa Pork, is much, MUCH, more generous than his puny brother. Santa Pork gives big things like soccer fields, bridges, and lots of money to researchers who like to study deviant sex. And guess what else? Santa Pork does it all with your money. Here is a glimpse at Santa Pork’s Christmas gift list:

 There you have it, kiddies, Santa Pork’s short list for Christmas giving. Don’t waste your time looking to see if your name is on this list. It doesn’t matter if you’re naughty or nice. If you’re an ordinary boy or girl who abides the law and pays your taxes, there is no friggin’ way Santa Pork is ever going to do something to make your life better. Merry Christmas, suckers! by Marjorie Haun  12/19/13

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