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Is this a joke?

October 16, 2011

Okay kiddies, I know you’ve been waiting with baited breath–which means your breath smells like chum–to play Occupy Wall Street Mad Lib-erals. Puleeeeese don’t quit your day job, this is easy, it will only take a minute, and it is free. You simply take a sentence and fill in the blanks with your choice of words to make it gut-splittingly funny. For example:

For the past month the entire world has been swept by a ______ (social, bowel, spastic) movement called “Occupy ______ (Wall Street, toilet seat, dirty sheet).” “Occupy ______ (stinky feet, Teen Beat, Wall Street)” has a ______ (carnival, port-a-potty, Chernobyl)-type atmosphere where hundreds of ______ (trust fund babies, Smurfs, car hops) have gathered to express their dissatisfaction with ______ (Capitalism, tight underwear, the weather) by protesting and walking around ______ (naked, drooling, bleating).  When this ______ (global, peristaltic, free camping) movement will end, no one knows. We can only hope that the ______ (occupiers, noodle driers, Radio Flyers) will engage in ______ (Capitalism, community grooming, de-lousing) long enough to buy some ______ (pie and ice cream, soap and deodorant, Slim Jims and playing cards) from the evil, capitalistic ______ (lemmings, Corporations, nematodes) which have apparently taken away their clothes and their ______ (sanity, lollipops, soap operas).

Okay, are you ready to release your bowels on the sidewalks and police cars of a major metropolitan city? Then you’re ready to play #OCCUPY WALL STREET MAD LIB-ERALS!

Main Stream Media outlets have done their darnedest to link Occupy Wall Street (OWS) with the ______ (midget wrestling, sex, drugs and rock and roll, Tea) Party. There are many______ (diseases, hygiene issues, differences) that should be noted. OWS has been embraced by ______ (Pinky and the Brain, Pelosi and Obama, Bert and Ernie), leaders of the American Left. The Left would never ______ (praise, braise, bludgeon) the Tea Party, which is the _____ (crazed facade, symbol, revolting peasants) of the American Right.  OWS has a habit of displaying ______ (private parts, body art, public sex) while the Tea Party displays ______ (Old Glory, patriotism, proper hygiene). OWS appears to be a ______ (horde, nudist colony, petri dish) populated by ______ (under-employed, over-educated, mentally ill) Ivy League collegians. The Tea Party is a ______ (gathering, quilting been, hunting club) filled with ______ (hard-working, self-sufficient, patriotic)

So, Capitalism doesn't work eh? Clean up your mess!

Americans from all ______ (runs, walks, jogs) of life.  OWS is the ______ (French Revolution, Toxic Avenger, anal polyp) of our time. My advice: Stay away from the ______ (public parks, hookah lounges, tail gate parties) where the protesters ______ (scratch, gather, chant mindlessly). Otherwise you might become ______ (infected, black and blue, urine soaked) with the class-warfare rhetoric of which ______ (Papa Smurf, Karl Marx, Santa Claus) would be proud.

In other news, the ______ (Fast and Furious, Dancing with the Stars, Itchy and Scratchy) controversy has _______ (expectorated, T-boned, tormented) Obama’s Department of ______ (Justice, mischief, Evil Incorporated). Eric ______ (hold it, hold your tongue, Holder), the Attorney General, has apparently been caught ______ (picking his nose, lying to Congress, doing the Mashed Potato) and is knee-deep in ______ (hot water, Borscht, bovine effluvium). Fast and Furious is the operation in which the ATF ______ (sold guns, raced greyhounds, danced with the stars) via Mexican drug lords.  Many ______ (midget wrestlers, political pundits, pot growers) have claimed that this could be Obama’s ______ ( nervous perspiration, Watergate, incontinent) moment. We must hope for the sake of the ______ (country, pig farmers, slot machines) that this will not force Obama to______ (get a Ronald Reagan tattoo, resign, Dance with the Stars). There are few things ______ (stickier, itchier, worse) than the prospect that ______ (poodle-groomer, Vice President, boil-drainer) Joe Biden could become the ______ (leader, dominatrix, pickle-seller) of the Free______ (lunch, movie night, World).

On a happy note, Hollywood has come out with a new reality______ (pork roast, shoelace, show) that is a mixture of extreme ______ (survival, toe fungus, petting zoos)and celebrity ______ (yawning, dancing, humiliation). It is called “The Great ______ (Hamstring Pull, Nipple Malfunction, Face Plant).” The ______ (exciting, tubercular, hygiene-challenged) new show will line up ______ (Jack Russell Terrier, celebrity, vegan) couples to take on the weekly ______ (mad cows, challenges, union thugs). Next week’s celebrity pair will be ______ (Glenn Beck and George Soros, Phyllis Schafly and Lady Gaga, Robert Downey Jr. and Big Bird).  They will face the challenge of ______ (jumping, hand flapping, tub thumping) over the Grand Canyon in a homemade ______ (pita pocket, rocket, turkey baster) while dancing the ______ (Virginia Reel, Lambada, chicken dance).

So there you have it, another _______ (pointless, shocking, fantastic) game of Mad Lib-erals. Please ______ (hog tie, join, tickle) me next time for some good, clean, ______ (topless, stoned, sign waving) fun.

By Marjorie Haun  10/16/2011


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