Let’s Turn Colorado RED in 2012! Show everyone that you want Colorado to be a RED state in 2012!
February 11, 2012
Liberals prefer old fashioned intersections because they don’t have to think for themselves. Their movements are dictated by a set of outside controls and, like Pavlov’s drooling dogs, when the light flashes green they move, when it goes red, they stop, and when it turns yellow, they get confused and reflexively hit the gas.
You can spot the driver of one of these drooling at an intersection any day.
I log a lot of miles traversing, from West to East, North to South, the beautiful highways and byways of Colorado. A big chunk of my life is spent with a tongue of black road out in front of me. In rain, sunshine, snow, or the ice from hell, I spend a lot of time behind the wheel. It is natural for me to think about pavement, and kaleidoscopic scenery flashing in my peripheral vision, and the unencumbered movement I experience as a result of the ancient ingenuity called the road. On the way home from Denver, exhausted but in a sort of pre-hallucinatory euphoria, my mind pondered most ponderously on the old world invention that has recently immigrated to the wilds of Colorado, the roundabout.
Among Grand Junction’s most heated controversies of recent years, is whether or not the construction of roundabouts, as a measure to smooth out traffic patterns and beautify avenues, is a reasonable and effective innovation, or an evil scheme by Euro-wennie city planners to turn our humble mining/ranch/tourist town into a sick and vexing replication of Piccadilly Circus. Dreadful prognostications of mass carnage, automobile rubble, and outbreaks of violence between drivers who couldn’t decide when to enter the roundabouts, were made. Nevertheless, in my well-qualified opinion, I think the roundabouts have been a wonderful addition to the streets of my town. You don’t have to wait unless the traffic is heavy, which is rarely the case in my Western Colorado burg. A roundabout consists of circular junction which provides a bit of a thrill ride, if like me, you’re willing to drive too fast just to get a good rush of G’s in its perpetual curves. They’re pretty, with landscaping or sculptures in their hubs. And they’re efficient because less waiting means less idling, which means less gas wasted. But the most appealing thing to me about roundabouts, is that to employ them properly, you must follow a set of conservative principles:
- You must be able to think for yourself, judge with your own wisdom and experience what is the best thing to do at the right moment, and go for it.
- You must be in touch with reality, aware of your surroundings, and familiar with the laws of physics, which cannot be defied even if you are a nice person.
- Roundabouts not only allow you to move at will, according to your best interests, but necessitate the wise and bold use of free agency if you are to progress to your destination.
- You are not controlled by external forces when you use the roundabout. There is no light to tell you when to go or when to stop. The successful use of the roundabout requires independent thinking, timing, audacity, and a cool head.
Roundabouts have for nearly a decade been the defining controversy of Western Colorado. Letters to the Editor claiming that they are dangerous, European, and unnecessary have only recently taken a back seat to more pertinent issues. But for years, when the roundabouts were being constructed in all corners of town as well as highway on-ramps, the polar division in Grand Junction was almost as stark as Allies vs. Axis, Sitting Bull vs. Custer, and Brady vs. Manning. I was confounded by the frothing animosity coming from the anti-roundabout forces. Having become acquainted with roundabouts, and liking them a great deal, my conclusion was inevitable: Liberals don’t like roundabouts.
- Liberals prefer old fashioned intersections because they don’t have to think for themselves. Their movements are dictated by a set of outside controls and, like Pavlov’s drooling dogs, when the light flashes green they move, when it goes red, they stop, and when it turns yellow, they get confused and reflexively hit the gas.
- Liberals are fear-based and hate new innovations, even those patterned from European inventions. They fear change, and they fear people who speak of real change, not empty shibboleths of change, but advancement, improvement, and novel thinking.
- Liberals hate efficiency that actually benefits people. Cutting down on gas usage by ending the idling that occurs at intersections is less desirable to Liberals than just simply outlawing cars, over the road travel, and any other manifestation of human freedom which requires the use of fuel. Roundabouts are threatening to Liberals because they undermine their “ban the internal-combustion engine” propositions.
- Liberals hate any idea that beautifies and improves human communities and interactions. Theories that humanity is a blight on the planet are nullified by innovations which improve the environment and make life better and safer for people and the planet alike.
There is a big caveat in my theory about Liberals, Conservatives, and roundabouts, however. Yes, Liberals have a hard time thinking for themselves and so roundabouts aggravate them. But, if a Liberal wants something that is perhaps out of the bounds of common sense, or outside the law, they have no qualms about breaking the rules to get it. So a word of caution to the Conservatives in the audience: If you see a Subaru
, Volvo, Saab, or Carman Ghia, or any vehicle with an “Obama 08,” “Coexist,” or a “Feminists against Sarah Palin,” bumper sticker, beware. There is a raging Liberal in the car, and if they decide they want something on the other side of the intersection, or the roundabout, they will T-bone you without a second thought to get it.
This is another thought I had during one of my interminable trips across the mystical hinterlands of my home state: Liberals, especially the ones destroying the country, are like toddlers in an M1 Abrams Tank
. They have no judgment, they cannot think for themselves, they react in fear to everything, and they are behind the controls of something very big and powerful and dangerous, and they’re driving it through the streets of America right now. Quick, maybe you can lose them in a roundabout.
By Marjorie Haun 2/11/12