GRADUATION NIGHT MAD LIB-ERALS
Let’s Turn Colorado RED in 2012!
Show everyone that you want
Colorado to be a RED state in 2012!
Don’t be afraid. All you have to do is choose one silly word or phrase to insert into the blank and make a zany sentence. For example: Sara Ann Fublumps is the Senior______ (valedictorian, toe sucker, brood mare). She graduated with ______ (a baby, honors, chlamydia) at the ______ (top, midriff, badonkedonk) of her class. Sara Ann has been accepted to ______ (Colombian hooker, free contraceptives, bitter Liberal woman) school where she will learn the nuts and bolts of life in the ______ (fast lane, real world, Secret Service Limo).
Any questions? Heck no! You’re the freakin’ geniuses churned out by the public school system. HA! Let’s go then, and play Graduation Night Mad Lib-eraaaaaaaaals!
ReaganGirl’s baby ______ (daughter, coatimundi, scullery maid) graduated from high school with ______ (scabies, honors, in-grown toenails). ReaganGirl watched ______ (proudly, in a sweat, her feet swell) as her youngest ______ (fish monger, girl, snake milker) walked to the stage to receive her ______ (beating, gruel, diploma). After ______ (seven, eight, five) years of hard ______ (ditching, work, flirting) she is off to ______ (college, So Ho, see the wizard) and life on her ______ (arse, farm, own). The ______ (stretch marks, daughter, intestinal cramp) of ReaganGirl will commence her studies in ______ (cupcakes, cowboys, salad dressing) and ______ (bongology, laundromat science, deep fried mushrooms) at the University of ______ (Krispy Kreme, KFC, Winnebago).
ReaganGirl’s ______ (blastoma, daughter, dancing queen) celebrated graduation with a ______ (party, parole hearing, colonoscopy) at the home of the famous Coloradans, the ______ (Coors, Tommyknockers, FatTires) family. After a long ______ (sentence, night, and lonesome highway) of celebration, she returned ______ (to jail, to detention, home) and promptly gave her mother a great, big ______ (grandchild, bail bond, hug).
Unfortunately, high school ______ (graduation, flatulation, mastication) is not all fun and ______ (spins, dry heaves, hand cuffs.) A recent poll revealed that the high school ______ (dropout, heat rash, DUI) rate has increased dramatically among ______ (Lindsey Lohan, garage bands, child actors) and minorities. According to the ______( slurpee, survey, scurvey), the downward ______ (spiral, sphincter, surfboard) may be attributed to ______ (desk drooling, baby mammas, acne panic) and ______ (tube tops, butt pants, tramp stamps), among other things. School ______ (principals, taxidermists, crab pots) say that only an increase in ______ (funding, tire pumps, waffle houses) will turn around this trend. Students in the _____ (survey, zuppe, moped) claimed that only decreases in ______ (Commie professors, teacher/student sexual relationships, political correctness) and ______ (Liberal indoctrination, multicultural studies, sex education) will improve this unfortunate downward ______ (trend, pogo stick, hematoma).
And finally, in ______ (Viking archeology, political, feminist theory) news; earlier this month President ______ (wokdog, Obama, zenyatta mondatta) announced his support of ______ (Shanaynay, horse play, gay) marriage. The President said his opinion had ______ (evolved, expectorated, migrated) on the matter. Newsweek, the leftist ______ (diaper, magazine, infection) later proclaimed him to be the first gay ______ (blade, Paree, president), since he could not be the first ______ (black, Kenyan, Marxist) president. Bill Clinton had already ______ (shaved, earned, dry cleaned) that title. President ______ (jicama, oblong, Obama) later retracted his ______ (enlargement, endorsement, enhancement) of same-sex ______ (unicorns, onions, unions), and blamed it on ______ (Vice, fried rice, psoriasis) President, Joe ______ (butt putty, Fonda, Biden).
So there you have it. Another ______ (nauseating, excruciating, lobotomizing) episode of Mad Lib-erals! Be sure to ______ (join, noogie, undress) me next ______ (fitted sheet, month, orangutan) when we play ______ (D-Day, Father’s Day, Brazilian Wax Day) Mad Lib-erals!
By Marjorie Haun 5/17/12