Fat Lesbian Mad Lib-erals
Don’t worry, it’s easy to play. Just think of Rosie O’Donnell eating a cheeseburger, or Ellen DeGeneres dressing like a man. Yep, almost second nature. So, this is what you do. Just pick a silly word or phrase from the choices given and insert it into the blank. For example: The last ______ (month, wolverine, Ellen DeGeneres) has been full of surprises. First of all, an ______ (Edsel, asteroid, Pauly Shore movie) passed without notice within miles of Earth’s outer ______ (abscess, banks, atmosphere). At the very same time a giant ______ (knish, Edsel, meteorite) crashed into a frozen ______ (feminist, lake, Pauly Shore movie) in Russia. Scientists claimed the two ______ (cosmic, lesbian, itchy) events were unrelated. Russians, however are ______ (hammered, skeptical, charred). Some claim the impact is part of a ______ (plot, sebaceous cyst, horse opera) on the part of window manufacturer to drum up a little ______ (Armageddon, business, toenail fungus).
See, that’s not so bad. Now let’s celebrate the ______ (news, trout, rash) of the day and play “Fat Lesbian Mad Lib-erals!”
A study by the National Institutes of ______ (oleo, surfers, Health) attempting to discern why most lesbians are ______ (daytime TV stars, fat, sous chefs) made the news last week. The study focused on the ______ (disparity, short hairs, underpants) between lesbians and gay males to determine why ______ (migrant worker, homosexual, bovine) women are ______ (fat, arm wrestlers, hairy) while men with same-sex ______ (dancing shoes, attraction, chihuahuas) are not. CNN news ______ (sausage, anchor, thrill ride), Anderson Cooper, and TV star, ______ (Flossie, Jabba the Hutt, Rosie O’Donnell) have agreed to participate in the ______ (tomato aspic, mud volleyball, study) to further the scientific understanding of ______ (homosexual, potato bug, pumpkin) lifestyles.
Also swirling around the ______ (news, toilet, fly paper) is the ongoing debate around ______ (root canals, sequestration, Michelle Obama’s thighs). Government ______ (contraceptives, expenditures, short ribs) for things such as the study of why ______ (lesbians, cocker spaniels, Virginians) are ______ (tap dancers, pigeon toed, fat) have been the focus of controversy. Some believe that President ______ (butt plug, Howdy Doody, Obama) is purposefully making ______ (mucus, nose hairs, budget cuts) as ______ (flaccid, painful, piquant) as possible, while ______ (Democrats, anal cysts, pedophiles) assert that the ______ (cloven-footed, sulfurous, mean)Republicans gave them no choice.
Speaking of sulfurous, everyone’s favorite ______ (appendage, Dictator, dick), Hugo Chavez, passed _______ (away, out, through the gut) after a long struggle with ______ (underpants, cancer, carnitas). Actor Sean Penn was ______ (despondent, revolting, puerile) upon hearing the news that his old ______(butt plug, friend, cocker spaniel) had died. Penn was not alone in his ______ (clam linguine, grief, oat bran). Other ______ (ogres, jellyfish, dimwits) like Harry Belafonte, Danny Glover, and Oliver Stone expressed ______ (mucus, sadness, intestinal gas) at the news of Hugo Chavez’ ______ (pot pie, sputum, death). Rumor has it that Chavez’ body double. ______ (Janet Napolitano, Rosie O’Donnell, Elena Kagan) will take over for the deceased ______ (feculence, armpit, sphincter) until the Venezuelan elections can be ______ (rigged, manipulated, stolen).
So, there you have it, another ______ (swollen, putrescent, effluvial) round of Mad Lib-erals. I hope you will ______ (massage, misuse, join) me next month when we review the ______ (news, kangaroo scrotum, Hammer of Thor) while ______ (filleting, playing, self-abusing) the world’s best ______ (convulsion, bed sore, game), Mad Lib-erals!
by Marjorie Haun 3/18/2013