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Fat Lesbian Mad Lib-erals


 BUY NOW! “Little Bird Dog and the Big Ship” and “Saving the Vietnamese Orphans,” books One and Two of  “The Heroes of the Vietnam War: Books for Children” by Marjorie Haun. These are the FIRST positive, patriotic children’s non-fiction books about the Vietnam War. Now Available online at:  Barnes and Nobel.com ,  Amazon.com, and BooksAMillion.com

SAVING THE VIETNAMESE ORPHANS

LITTLE BIRD DOG AND THE BIG SHIP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 18, 2013

Hey  kiddies, it’s that time of the month again when men become women and women become wolverines! You know what I mean–it’s time to play Mad Lib-erals!

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Don’t worry, it’s easy to play. Just think of Rosie O’Donnell eating a cheeseburger, or Ellen DeGeneres dressing like a man. Yep, almost second nature. So, this is what you do. Just pick a silly word or  phrase from the choices given and insert it into the blank. For example: The last ______ (month, wolverine, Ellen DeGeneres) has been full of surprises. First of all, an ______ (Edsel, asteroid, Pauly Shore movie) passed without notice within miles of Earth’s outer ______ (abscess, banks, atmosphere). At the very same time a giant ______ (knish, Edsel, meteorite) crashed into a frozen ______ (feminist, lake, Pauly Shore movie) in Russia. Scientists claimed the two ______ (cosmic, lesbian, itchy) events were unrelated. Russians, however are ______ (hammered, skeptical, charred). Some claim the impact is part of a ______ (plot, sebaceous cyst, horse opera) on the part of window manufacturer to drum up a little ______ (Armageddon, business, toenail fungus).

See, that’s not so bad. Now let’s celebrate the ______ (news, trout, rash) of the day and play “Fat Lesbian Mad Lib-erals!”

A study by the National Institutes of ______ (oleo, surfers, Health) attempting to discern why most lesbians are ______ (daytime TV stars, fat, sous chefs) made the news last week. The study focused on the ______ (disparity, short hairs, underpants) between lesbians and gay males to determine why ______ (migrant worker, homosexual, bovine) women are ______ (fat, arm wrestlers, hairy) while men with same-sex ______ (dancing shoes, attraction, chihuahuas) are not. CNN news ______ (sausage, anchor, thrill ride), Anderson Cooper, and TV star, ______ (Flossie, Jabba the Hutt, Rosie O’Donnell) have agreed to participate in the ______ (tomato aspic, mud volleyball, study) to further the scientific understanding of ______ (homosexual, potato bug, pumpkin) lifestyles.

Also swirling around the ______ (news, toilet, fly paper) is the ongoing debate around ______ (root canals, sequestration, Michelle Obama’s thighs). Government ______ (contraceptives, expenditures, short ribs) for things such as the study of why ______ (lesbians, cocker spaniels, Virginians) are ______ (tap dancers, pigeon toed, fat) have been the focus of controversy. Some believe that President ______ (butt plug, Howdy Doody, Obama) is purposefully making ______ (mucus, nose hairs, budget cuts) as ______ (flaccid, painful, piquant) as possible, while  ______ (Democrats, anal cysts, pedophiles) assert that the ______ (cloven-footed, sulfurous, mean)Republicans gave them no choice.

Speaking of sulfurous, everyone’s favorite ______ (appendage, Dictator, dick), Hugo Chavez, passed _______ (away, out, through the gut) after a long struggle with ______ (underpants, cancer, carnitas). Actor Sean Penn was ______ (despondent, revolting, puerile) upon hearing the news that his old ______(butt plug, friend, cocker spaniel) had died. Penn was not alone in his ______ (clam linguine, grief, oat bran). Other ______ (ogres, jellyfish, dimwits) like Harry Belafonte, Danny Glover, and Oliver Stone expressed ______ (mucus, sadness, intestinal gas) at the news of Hugo Chavez’ ______ (pot pie, sputum, death). Rumor has it that Chavez’ body double. ______ (Janet Napolitano, Rosie O’Donnell, Elena Kagan) will take over for the deceased ______ (feculence, armpit, sphincter) until the Venezuelan elections can be ______ (rigged, manipulated, stolen).

So, there you have it, another ______ (swollen, putrescent, effluvial) round of Mad Lib-erals. I hope you will ______ (massage, misuse, join) me next month when we review the ______ (news, kangaroo scrotum, Hammer of Thor) while ______ (filleting, playing, self-abusing) the world’s best ______ (convulsion, bed sore, game), Mad Lib-erals!

by Marjorie Haun  3/18/2013




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