BREAKING: CNN Democrat Debate Questions Leaked!

October 13, 2015

In a case of serendipitous happenstance, the details of which we cannot disclose, has obtained a list of questions prepared by CNN whose moderators will confront the Democrats at tonight’s debate. Below are the incisive and heavy-hitting inquiries you can expect from CNN.


Unfortunately, we don’t know the complete order in which the questions will be posed to Lincoln Chafee, Bernie Sanders, Martin O’Malley, Jim Webb, or Hillary Clinton, but here they are:

  1. Red Vines or Twizzlers?
  2. Would you lift the restrictions on SPAM in Afghanistan?
  3. What would you do about the Doritos shortage in Colorado?
  4. Do you find women’s underwear to be oppressive? (Sanders will go first on this one)
  5. What’s cuter, kittens or wombats?
  6. What measures should be taken to stop the alarming increase of foot blisters in the Military?
  7. Does Putin turn you on, just a little?
  8. Is there anything more evil in the world than fossil fuels, and if so, why do you hate mass murderers?
  9. Please choose the top two most important services Planned Parenthood provides: 1. dog washing 2.pedicures for the homeless 3.providing cookies for church Bingo night 4.square dance lessons 5. classes on urban squash farming
  10. What will you do to protect America from the Tea Party?
  11. Do you wax or shave?
  12. If you had a Soviet KGB name, what would it be?
  13. Who’s your favorite Communist of the 20th Century?
  14. Will you redecorate the West Wing when you’re elected.

And finally, to close out the night with the question that has been on Americans’ minds for the last 7 years…

15.  If you could be a Disney princess, which one would you be?

God bless the Democrats and their paid marketing wing, the media.

posted by Marjorie Haun  10/13/15



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